isaysimplewords | OOM: one of a number of visits from Sam Linnfer

("Call me selfish, but I can live with it.")

Suddenly, for the moment, it's a little harder to hold that perspective.

Cal hesitates, unsure of whether he should say something or let it go - but what is there that he can say? And why would Sam even want him to say anything?

(Cal had thought that being dead in Milliways had trapped him in a sort of immortality. Remembering his anger and despair over that prospect - over the choice made for him, forever, after he'd died in the name of making them for himself - still makes him feel sick.)

Better just to leave it alone.

Instead, he says,

"- so do you know anything about getting someone out of a contract to sell their soul?"

So much for the delicate introduction to the subject he's had in mind for months now.

There is a reason, subconscious or conscious, that several of Sam's closest friends in Milliways are or are approaching immortal; the appeal of people who won't leave him has never yet gone away.

(Of course, sometimes even the people who don't have to leave him do, anyway.)

But it seems that old habits die hard, and he has retained that affection for humans that he had when the alternative was millennia of loneliness. Cal, in particular, has been good at unintentionally shattering Sam's defences.

He blinks, though, at the sudden change in subject.

"Hmm? Only in my world. Why?"

"Don't worry, I haven't done anything that stupid," Cal assures him. "I'm asking for a friend."

It wasn't stupid of Bela to do it. She was just a kid. It's different.

Cal believes firmly that Bela's parents were worse than his. He also understands what it's like to be scared like that. He can't say for sure that he wouldn't have done the deal himself, if a demon had caught him at the right moment. But for an adult, it's different.

"How does it work on your world?" It hadn't occurred to him that it would at all; Sam isn't that kind of Devil, after all.

Sam frowns. "You have to give your blood to them. It really only works with Incarnates, but it allows them to control you - to take over your body, if they want. And there's no such thing as take-backs - once done, it can't be undone."

That is nothing like the process Bela described.

. . . it actually kind of reminds Cal of what he's read about the events of a few Christmases ago on this world. He's not sorry he missed that one.

He shakes his head a little. "Do you know any other worlds where it goes on?"

Sam shakes his head. "I've never asked. Although if they've got a more traditional world, the devil showing up and suggesting politely that the creditors fuck off might help."

Pause.

"Also, this is quite high in the ratings for Weirdest Pillowtalk Ever, even by my standards."

"Maybe." Cal is frowning distractedly. It might be time to try again to convince Bela that Sam can be an ally. He can't go behind her back, no matter how urgent the situation - they'd need her Door to get to her world. At least, they will until Cal is sure he doesn't know anyone else from there, which right now he isn't.

Sam's second remark doesn't even seem to register.

Sam pokes him gently.

"Cal? Like to tell me what's going on here?"

Cal blinks, refocusing on Sam.

He would, if it were up to him. It would be a relief. But he promised not to bring Bela's name into it, and Sam noticed that Bela didn't seem to like him too much the one time they met. it would be too easy to him to put the pieces together.

"A friend of mine is having some trouble," he says. "That's all I can really say."

Sam raises an eyebrow. If he had to guess, he'd guess Bela, but if Cal can't talk about it either way then there's not much point in a stab in the dark.

"Okay."

Cal shrugs a bit with the shoulder Sam is not resting on.

"I promised," he says.

He nods, sliding a hand into Cal's hair. His curiosity will have to be suppressed, for the moment.

"No problem."

Cal relaxes and smiles a bit, kissing Sam's forehead, then says,

"But let me know if you hear anything about any other worlds, okay?"

"Mmm." Sam curls closer. "Yeah."

Cal tightens his arm around Sam, kissing again.

"Thanks," he says softly.

Why did he put that off so long? That was easy. Not very helpful, unfortunately, but easy.

Of course, a lot has happened since he reacted so badly to Sam's telling him who he really was. Maybe it had to wait this long to be easy.

Sam wraps his free arm around Cal in response, wanting to be close.

(Cal might not be there for long, but he's there now. Maybe that's the important thing. Maybe.)

"You're welcome," he says, then, wryly: "Though I'm not too sure that I actually did something."

Cal responds in kind, pulling Sam closer.

"You did," he says. "And I know you'd do more if you could." That in itself counts for a lot.

"Of course." He kisses Cal's neck, breathing in the scent of him.

Cal closes his eyes, threading his fingers through Sam's hair.

"I would for you, you know," he says. "I mean. With - whatever. If I could."

To his mind, this is a pretty big if. It's not like Sam, what with the magic and immortality and all, doesn't have Cal completely outgunned before they even start.

"Mmm." Sam's voice is soft. "I know."

Except for the one thing that matters, and that he knows Cal can't be.

He shuts his eyes. "I know."

Never say never, where Milliways is involved.

(But Cal would say no, if given the choice.)

Cal continues to stroke Sam's hair, his eyes opening. He glances down at Sam, saying,

"Just thought I'd - say it. Out loud." Since he's not usually very good at that, when it comes to how he feels. And if Sam thinks that was merely an offer of theoretical future help, he wasn't listening closely enough.

(Sam wouldn't ask it; he knows better. But it doesn't stop him from wanting.)

Sam opens his eyes, looking up at Cal with a faint smile.

(And yes, he pays attention.)

"Yeah," he says again, "I know."

Cal smiles, coloring just a little bit.

"Because I don't - think I've said it before," he continues.

Sam laughs a little. "No. But you can say it again, if you like."

Cal knows perfectly well that this is his cue to say something like what Sam said before, but he doesn't know where to start, can't even begin to find the words. Confessing his darkest secrets was a snap in comparison.

So he says,

"I - would do whatever I could," and hopes Sam knows what that means.

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