MM: get what you see

[isaysimplewords]

Today, Cal is vomit-free.

He has a small scarlet feather in his hair, though. He hasn't noticed it yet.

He's at a table with a cup of coffee, half-watching the crowd.

Comments

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"...What were you thinking before?"

[isaysimplewords]

Cal sips his coffee automatically, giving himself a few extra seconds to find his words again.

"Marrying into the Chandler family is usually a political power move. Maybe a social one." Deborah hadn't been interested in politics, but she'd certainly enjoyed the social cache that came with being his wife. And as they've established, James is not Deborah.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"The social part is the main downside. Very high-maintenance and boring as hell."

[isaysimplewords]

"Yeah, tell me about it."

A few minutes ago, that agreement would have been much more emphatic, but now his heart just isn't in it.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"What's wrong?"

[isaysimplewords]

"What does he think about being married to the mob?"

Does he think at all? Because Cal didn't start thinking until he was thirty-seven, and judging from James's age, it'll be a while before his double gets there.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"He used to think it was funny. That lasted about two months."

Until the first time he was confronted with the fact that his wife had just ordered a hit on somebody.

[isaysimplewords]

Cal nods, sips his coffee.

Doesn't say anything.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"What happened to your wedding ring?"

[isaysimplewords]

He looks at her.

"It didn't come with me when I died."

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

She waits to see if he'll elaborate.

[isaysimplewords]

After a few seconds, he does.

"I was in the mob's pocket for a long time. They didn't like it very much when I decided to stop."

His words are cold and quiet; any hint of the developing camaraderie of before is gone.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"God, I'm sorry, Cal."

[isaysimplewords]

"I got what I deserved."

He probably shouldn't be telling her this. If his double is anything like him, he'll rebel eventually too. Cal could be changing their timeline by giving her what basically boils down to advance warning.

In this moment, he can't bring himself to care very much.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"That is such a load of crap," she says evenly. "I'm sure whatever petty dictator you pissed off thought he was justified in having you shot, and I'm sure I'd feel justified in doing the same to him. I'm sorry because you died of being exactly the person you are and I can't fix it."

[isaysimplewords]

Cal puts his mug down hard.

"The person I was," he says sharply, "was a cowardly lying sack of shit. I let Gliardi run my career for years because I didn't have the fucking spine to tell him to go fuck himself. When I finally did, it was too late for me to get out alive, and I deserved that. I am not that person anymore."

He won't let himself be.

Ever.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"What am I going to do about it? I'd take the organization apart in a second to save your life, but you're already dead. And my husband knows that if he ever can't deal anymore, all he has to do is warn me before he goes to the police."

[isaysimplewords]

Cal laughs.

It's a humorless, derisive sound.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

Tightly: "Yes?"

[isaysimplewords]

"I'm sure that would end really well for him," Cal says snidely.

Perhaps he could hand her the gun as he warned her, to save them both some time.

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

James closes her eyes.





"Thanks for telling me," she says at last, not quite steadily.

[isaysimplewords]

Cal is unmoved.

(It must be an act. He doesn't even consider the possibility that it isn't.)

"I probably shouldn't have," he says. "Maybe you'll get lucky and he'll overdose or something instead."

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

She opens her eyes again and looks at him.

"I don't blame you for not trusting me. I don't even have the right to blame you for not trusting me. I wouldn't, if I were you."

And yet, somehow, it still hurts.

"Does getting drunk help, in your experience? I've never tried."

[isaysimplewords]

Cal picks his mug back up.

"I was never much of a drinker," he says. "I preferred heroin."

[prima-sequentem.livejournal.com]

"My husband still smokes pot."