isaysimplewords (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
isaysimplewords) wrote2008-08-11 09:17 pm
isaysimplewords) wrote2008-08-11 09:17 pm
Entry tags:
OOM: child's play
After walking away from Jenny's table, before Cal leaves Milliways, he drops the heroin in a trash can. He does it casually, not even really looking, to avoid drawing attention to himself. But his heart pounds as he does it, and he has to tell himself that he's not really doing it, he's just hallucinating. An incredibly vivid hallucination filled with green computer boys and friendly innocent blonde girls who save planets, and where he feels good and healthy and the way he imagines it would feel if he'd never so much as smoked a joint, but - it's not real.
He really hates that it's not real.
He doesn't want to go. But he'll wake up eventually, and if he can, he'd rather control when that happens himself. He's done that with dreams. Same difference, right?
So he puts his hand on the doorknob and whispers, "Time to wake up," and turns it.
He finds himself, inexplicably, walking back into the bathroom. He glances back in confusion and sees Milliways behind him. He takes a breath and closes the door, then opens it again. This time it's just the hallway.
He closes his eyes and waits for the nausea, dizziness, and exhaustion to set back in. Waits for his fingers to stop feeling sticky with Jenny's smoothie.
All that happens is that he hears the door to Grahame's study start to open, and Mother's voice saying something in a snide tone. Mother! That kicks Cal back into the immediate present and he bolts down the hall and up the stairs to his room.
He's disappointed when the door opens and all he finds there is his bedroom, but he has a feeling that will be happening for a long time. He drops onto his bed with a sigh, sliding his hand into his pocket.
The heroin is gone.
Cal gasps, digging deeper into his pocket. Tries to tell himself he dropped it, that there'll be hell to pay when it's found. But he knows he didn't drop it, because he still feels good, and he doesn't really mind (much, anyway, not in that viscerally terrifying way that happens when the next fix is too far away) that it's gone, and he can still feel the residue of the smoothie on his fingers.
Cal stares at the ceiling for a long time. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes and falls asleep for the first time in three days.
He sleeps for fourteen hours. When he wakes, he goes to the bathroom adjacent to his room for a shower. Before he steps into the shower, he takes a long, hard look in the mirror. He isn't sure what Milliways did to him, but he knows it's going to be up to him to stay clean. He looks into his own eyes and promises that he'll do it. Things are going to change.
He really hates that it's not real.
He doesn't want to go. But he'll wake up eventually, and if he can, he'd rather control when that happens himself. He's done that with dreams. Same difference, right?
So he puts his hand on the doorknob and whispers, "Time to wake up," and turns it.
He finds himself, inexplicably, walking back into the bathroom. He glances back in confusion and sees Milliways behind him. He takes a breath and closes the door, then opens it again. This time it's just the hallway.
He closes his eyes and waits for the nausea, dizziness, and exhaustion to set back in. Waits for his fingers to stop feeling sticky with Jenny's smoothie.
All that happens is that he hears the door to Grahame's study start to open, and Mother's voice saying something in a snide tone. Mother! That kicks Cal back into the immediate present and he bolts down the hall and up the stairs to his room.
He's disappointed when the door opens and all he finds there is his bedroom, but he has a feeling that will be happening for a long time. He drops onto his bed with a sigh, sliding his hand into his pocket.
The heroin is gone.
Cal gasps, digging deeper into his pocket. Tries to tell himself he dropped it, that there'll be hell to pay when it's found. But he knows he didn't drop it, because he still feels good, and he doesn't really mind (much, anyway, not in that viscerally terrifying way that happens when the next fix is too far away) that it's gone, and he can still feel the residue of the smoothie on his fingers.
Cal stares at the ceiling for a long time. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes and falls asleep for the first time in three days.
He sleeps for fourteen hours. When he wakes, he goes to the bathroom adjacent to his room for a shower. Before he steps into the shower, he takes a long, hard look in the mirror. He isn't sure what Milliways did to him, but he knows it's going to be up to him to stay clean. He looks into his own eyes and promises that he'll do it. Things are going to change.